I haven't had time to sift through any of the sand at FF.net in hopes of finding fiction gold, but Bialy risked her very mind reading something that advertises itself as JanKu (LOTSSAA). And from her entry it sounded horrific.
It was. I think the painful plural form 'nakamas' ranks up there on my list of argh!Fangirl Japanese.
Also these words cannot be used to describe Kuro - laughing, grinning, smiling - unless sinister, evil etc are used somewhere else around there.
Bialy pointed out that Kuro is a weepy little girl who snuggles. But he also watched Titantic as proven in the following quote.
“Jango. If I died you would not follow me. I want you to live out the rest of your life, with or without me.” Kuro said, looking into Jango’s eyes.
You jump, I jump right? And then Kuro froze to death in the icy Atlantic and Jango waved bye as his body sank to the depths of the ocean where it was eaten by lobsters and sperm whales the end.
I think that is my FAVORITE part. Because it hurts so bad. "Live Jango! If I cannot kill you, don't let anyone else do it! That's like cheating!"
And then she confesses to her crimes.
Mah fave part of this chappie was WHEE A FLASHEDYBACK. Lol. Gah my writing is horrible. It is 2:53 in ze morning.
Not horrible - just so OOC it hurts mah precious hella bad.
Final Judgement: It doesn't distinguish itself as worse than any other OOC fic out. I think most readers will find it mediocre painful at worse. It says it's yaoi but a better designation would be 'yaoi lite with less carbs' because a shirt removing and some kissing does not a yaoi fic make. You need more beads, bondage or pink for that.